What about Sex?

What about Sex?

Many clients report that their intimate connection with a partner can be the most rewarding and challenging thing they encounter.

When it comes to relationship problems, sex seems to be the first thing that gets abandoned.  How delicate our sexual relationships seem to be. This marvelous act can turn into a battle zone so easily. I see the irony of it, also.  The very thing that would help the relationship improve is discarded.

I often think about how to remedy this situation. Sex is often used as a reward for good behavior perhaps unconsciously. With greater awareness, you can learn how to stop taking it away for punishment or resentment or using it as a prize. When you can just stay connected the problems that seem to stop sex from happening, you can naturally help you and your partner to find your solutions.  If you think of sex as a gift you give with no strings attached, you may start have an entirely different experience that creates a real connection.

I ask my couples clients to start with a 15-minute exercise.  Each person gets 5 minutes to talk while his or her partner just listens.  Feedback is not given.  It is best to use this time to talk about your wants and desires without judgment or criticism of the one listening. A nice way to end is with gentle touching.

If what you are doing is not working, then try something new, with curiosity and courage to return to intimacy.  The 15-minute listening exercise is an excellent way to move through the resentments, betrayal and disappointments that have been piled up and find a way back to real intimacy. I offer my skills and experience to you to navitage your way back to love.

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