Let’s face it, marriage has gotten way to complicated. It seems that the good old-fashioned marriage had a better chance of surviving. But there were strings attached many times. Remember just because it lasts, as you may well know from personal experience, it doesn’t mean it is magical.
I love interviewing couples who have magical marriages. They can’t seem to compliment their partner enough. I am struck by how much gratitude they have for their partner and where that gratitude comes from. In my own research, I find that partners who accept each other and support each other are the happiest. No one praises their partner for pointing out their faults, mistakes or shortcomings. Most of the time criticizing your partner leads to unhappiness not magic. There are many marriage counselors and books on the subject of “fixing” your marriage. In my own personal experience, I found out that I had to fix myself first. It seems that what we want to fix in our partner is the very thing that we need to look deeply into ourselves.
In reading the latest marriage counseling book, “Marriage made simple”, by one of my favorite marriage counseling authors, Harville Hendricks and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt. I found their vulnerable truth about their marriage has very revealing and insightful to those seeking counseling. In their book, they site 10 truths to making marriage simple. Remember that phrase it may be simple but it doesn’t mean it is easy. The simple truth I found to be simple but not easy is Truth # 7 – Negativity is invisible abuse. I discovered that my criticism of my partner is a form of negativity. There is much to be gleaned from this book and much to be discovered by trying to follow the simple truths to a satisfying marriage.
Whatever you do, don’t settle for a mediocre marriage. Living life with regrets is not living at all, in my opinion. May you find joy and real love in your marriage.