My recent 3 day training on energy therapy has given me new insight into the nature of healing. Dr. Sue Morter has answered questions that plague us all.
How am I going to fix my relationship, job, money issues, etc?
When you understand that your perception, judgement and limiting beliefs are stored in the energy field of your body, it is possible access these distorted patterns and change them.
With great compassion, I have watched my clients try to look at their problems using the mind to fix the problems that the mind created. Our greatest mistake is believing the outer world caused the problems. We all are familiar with ruminating thoughts that plague us in the middle of the night. The mind wakes up and thinks it can fix these problems , only to realize we have spent hours of sleepless nights falling prey to this mind that can never fix the problems it created.
What I have learned is that all our problems ( physical and mental) lay deep in our energetic system. The wise yogis have known this for millenniums, and now Quantum Science is proving what the sceptics dismissed. The energy fields that run in your body, store all the information that cause mental and physical well being or disturbances.
I am very happy to be entering a year long study course with Dr. Sue Morter to further explore the variety of ways to heal the energy field within us. In Dr. Sue’s words. (paraphrased), “clear the energy channel and the wonderful by-product is the mental and physical problems will heal themselves.”
Dr. Sue’s new book, the Energy Codes, which made the L.A. Times #1 bestseller in just two weeks, explains the practice and the science behind it. This is very encouraging to see that many people are being drawn to healing ourselves without drugs or years of therapy. In the past ten years, Dr. Sue. has seen thousands of people transform their lives by no longer blaming the outside world ( other people) for their distress. When we heal from within and clear out the old hurts, disappointments, and numerous other emotional distresses that have been caught in our energetic fields, miracles happen. Our life, money and relationship issues resolve themselves. As our body clears and mind becomes settled, we stop looking for the solution in places that do not work.
I invite you to read the book and come in for a session with me to access real change in your life.
How many times have you heard someone say you need to think more positive.
Although you may agree with that, the problems comes down to how do we do that.
I like to think of it like learning to ride a bicycle. By repeating the process over and over, our muscle memory takes over and we can ride a bicycle easily without thinking about it.
The same repetitive thoughts that are actively engaged in positive thoughts can become automatic, also. When we learn to ride a bike, we put our concentration on the task at hand. When we concentrate on positive thoughts, they can become spontaneous, too
I have been listening to Joe Dispenza recently. He has been researching positive thoughts and the impact it has on our mental and physical health. I like that his research is scientifically based showing negative thoughts are addictive. The good news is that there is a way to change these grooves in the brain. We can train our minds to see a more positive present and future.
I have been meditating for the past 12 years and see that my life has become easier by being able to stop negative thoughts and look towards the positive. My relationship to my friends, family, and money has improved greatly in challenging situations.
Learning the simple technique of pausing can be life changing. We are able to respond wisely when we allow the mind to reset and see things more clearly.
The feelings are real but often the story is not.
See for yourself, experiment with cultivating more positive thoughts and look at the results.
Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique)
When I talk about pain, I am referring to all types of pain.
The pain of body aches and mental states such as grief, loss, fear, anxiety, panic and depression.
Tapping (E.F.T.) is an innovative technique that uses behavioral therapy and acupressure points to manage pain in a variety of ways. You can learn to tap on these points and use the setup protocol for a variety of situations.
Recently, another dog attacked my dog. As I pulled my dog away, I fell and tripped on the sidewalk. I felt frozen and did not feel I could get up. The thought of tapping entered my mind. In just a few minutes of tapping, I was able to release the pain and fear associated with this experience. Surprisingly to me, I was able to talk to the dog owner in a calm way and find out more about her dog with some resolution.
When I got home, I reflected on the process that I teach many of my clients. Through this direct experience, I was able to rely on my knowledge with greater confidence that it works.
There are many studies about the effects of Tapping showing that the tapping process lowers your cortisol level so effectively that researchers are astounded by the results. Cortisol is the hormone that increases when we get triggered by pain in physical or emotional experiences.
I invite you to call me and learn this safe and effective way to deal with your pain.
What about Sex?
Many clients report that their intimate connection with a partner can be the most rewarding and challenging thing they encounter.
When it comes to relationship problems, sex seems to be the first thing that gets abandoned. How delicate our sexual relationships seem to be. This marvelous act can turn into a battle zone so easily. I see the irony of it, also. The very thing that would help the relationship improve is discarded.
I often think about how to remedy this situation. Sex is often used as a reward for good behavior perhaps unconsciously. With greater awareness, you can learn how to stop taking it away for punishment or resentment or using it as a prize. When you can just stay connected the problems that seem to stop sex from happening, you can naturally help you and your partner to find your solutions. If you think of sex as a gift you give with no strings attached, you may start have an entirely different experience that creates a real connection.
I ask my couples clients to start with a 15-minute exercise. Each person gets 5 minutes to talk while his or her partner just listens. Feedback is not given. It is best to use this time to talk about your wants and desires without judgment or criticism of the one listening. A nice way to end is with gentle touching.
If what you are doing is not working, then try something new, with curiosity and courage to return to intimacy. The 15-minute listening exercise is an excellent way to move through the resentments, betrayal and disappointments that have been piled up and find a way back to real intimacy. I offer my skills and experience to you to navitage your way back to love.
Let’s face it, marriage has gotten way to complicated. It seems that the good old-fashioned marriage had a better chance of surviving. But there were strings attached many times. Remember just because it lasts, as you may well know from personal experience, it doesn’t mean it is magical.
I love interviewing couples who have magical marriages. They can’t seem to compliment their partner enough. I am struck by how much gratitude they have for their partner and where that gratitude comes from. In my own research, I find that partners who accept each other and support each other are the happiest. No one praises their partner for pointing out their faults, mistakes or shortcomings. Most of the time criticizing your partner leads to unhappiness not magic. There are many marriage counselors and books on the subject of “fixing” your marriage. In my own personal experience, I found out that I had to fix myself first. It seems that what we want to fix in our partner is the very thing that we need to look deeply into ourselves.
In reading the latest marriage counseling book, “Marriage made simple”, by one of my favorite marriage counseling authors, Harville Hendricks and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt. I found their vulnerable truth about their marriage has very revealing and insightful to those seeking counseling. In their book, they site 10 truths to making marriage simple. Remember that phrase it may be simple but it doesn’t mean it is easy. The simple truth I found to be simple but not easy is Truth # 7 – Negativity is invisible abuse. I discovered that my criticism of my partner is a form of negativity. There is much to be gleaned from this book and much to be discovered by trying to follow the simple truths to a satisfying marriage.
Whatever you do, don’t settle for a mediocre marriage. Living life with regrets is not living at all, in my opinion. May you find joy and real love in your marriage.
Often I ask my clients "are you doing your "homework"? The homework is exercises to facilitate change in their lives. The ones who do the homework find that they are gaining new ways of meeting their difficult moments. They tell me that being compassionate and kind towards self and others is helping. They are taking a pause before reacting and it really works. Others report they forgot or didn't find the time to practice the homework assignments.
When I heard the phrase “are you admiring the teapot or drinking the tea”, I thought of how the homework assignments are like that. If you don't drink the tea (practice the homework assignments) nothing much happens. I can tell you how great the tea taste, but you will never know what it tastes like until you try it yourself. Here is one powerful simple tool that can transform your behavior: The homework practice of "taking a pause" begins to unhook the unskillful automatic reactions you are trying to stop. Let's say you came to therapy because you find that you and your spouse get into frequent arguments about who is cleaning the house or paying the bills. You feel that it is always your responsibility and you want your spouse to step up and do their part. If you think of the analogy of tasting the tea as learning to take a pause, you may find that their response is somehow different even if they have not fully committed to change.
Learning to communicate with kindness, less judgment or demands can change the usual destructive argument into a positive situation. If you think this sounds like a good idea drink the tea and stop admiring the teapot!
I can still laugh at the series of events that led to an upset recently. I was trying to upload an audio to my web site. Everything I did seemed to lead to a dead-end. I have one of those personalities that loves to find a way through a challenge. After about the fifth thing that went wrong, I took a break. I gave it a few days of “timeout” and then set out on another round to conquer my task. I was using an audio player and couldn’t find the charger, then, I couldn’t find the cord to connect it to my computer. Next, I tried to use some fancy audio software that wouldn’t produce a simple MP3 file. Second timeout was needed. Again, I gave it a few days to rest then went on another quest to find the cord to connect it to my computer. I found the cord after a very funny series of looking everywhere and then finding the cord in a box that I thought I had already looked through. Just when I was ready to plug the cord in, I couldn’t find the audio recorder. Suddenly, the switch in my mind went off that was furious. My husband and I searched everywhere for the recorder. After an uneventful hunt, we both gave up and went our own way. I went to yoga and he went to the gym. When I got to yoga, the thought came up that said “you are only going to find the recorder when you let go”. Yes, thank you very much, I know that, but I am stuck. I decided to just focus on my yoga practice and leave my stuck mind. Just as finished yoga, a feeling of relaxation and openness appeared. I could see clearly with my mind’s eye exactly where the recorder was. When I got home, my husband had found the recorder exactly where I saw it in my mind. I laughed as I was so gently reminded about how the mind learns to let go. Clients always ask me “how do you let go?” One answer is to put your attention on something else. The answer will come to you when you relax and stop trying to find the answer.
Here’s a tip for a quick fix when you can’t take a longer timeout.
The Acronym S.T.O.P. is helpful
S = stop
T = take a breath
O = observe what is going on
P = proceed
I find that life is one big paradox. You can’t find anything when you are stressed out. The lost keys, the unpaid late bill, the directions to the restaurant, the list is endless. We often don’t get what we want until we let it be. In this place of letting it be, we either get that we want or accept what we don’t get. Either way, we are able to find some peace of mind.
This has the most important lesson to me about life. When my mind is in that peaceful, restful place I can find my lost things, solve many puzzling issues, and make sane decisions.
If you are interested in learning more about how to relax and find real peace, call me for an appointment.
Don’t ask me how the researchers figure out these things. But the research says that we have an average of 65,000 thoughts a day. About 64,900 are a repetition of the day before. Thus the wheel turns over and over in the mind, compulsively thinking the same mostly mundane thoughts about past, future, and a few select thoughts on the present moment.
Now I am in yoga class this morning. I confess I haven’t been in awhile. My ten minutes of stretching after working out just isn’t enough for me. So, my yoga class is beginning to become a bit torturous in the tight spots, which seem to been multiplying. A voice says “try just paying attention to the breath”. This is what I do during my meditation practice. Why not bring it into daily life? “OK, I’ll try it for awhile”. The more I stay with it, the easier the yoga practice gets. The tight spots are tight, but my mind isn’t fixated on the thoughts that this is torture. By simply putting my attention on the breath, life becomes easier. By the end of class, my energy level is high. I go grocery shopping and return home to face the task of cleaning house. The thoughts start to slide back in, “I’m going to be too tired to clean house. My back is going to hurt”, cascades into endless thoughts about a future state of cleaning in which I am cleaning house in pain. I say to myself, “Let’s see how far I can take this idea of paying attention to the breath”. Slowly I start the housecleaning. I notice, that if I keep bringing my attention back to the breath, I can clean without much back pain. There is slight back pain in the background of my thoughts, but I start to clean more than I usually do. I find that I'm enjoying going slowly and my energy continues build.
After I’m done, I’m feeling a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment that my house is clean and I still have energy. In fact, I have so much energy that I want to write about it. I’ve heard it said many times that mindfulness practice is simple; just keep paying attention to the breath. Theoretically it is easy until this mind begins churning out its quota of 65,000 thoughts a day over the past and future, exhausting me while it does its job.
I’m going to run an experiment, and see how long I can keep returning to the breath, when the thinking mind is not necessary. You may find if you try it that your energy starts to increase as the repetitious thoughts fade into the background. Don’t be discouraged when your mind wanders off. This is very typical, although it takes awhile to train the mind to stay with the breath, just the act of bringing your attention back to it will have profound effects on you. Many people report that they are able to focus better, relax, stay calm, and complete the task at hand without so much effort. I believe that what you experience will be worth the experiment. I’d love to hear from you what worked and what needs some adjustment.